Storm had set in, darkness erupted by white light every now and then.. No one in sight... no voice except the deafening rain… it seemed Thy lord had left me alone.. In sin...
Jumping with a start from his cry I realized he was hungry.. as I sat there with him in my arms I saw my life pass me.. Lovers since college, we were inseparable.. Married even before I got my final year result and certificate.. Baby Joshua born the next year.. it was and always has been my paradise… and today two years since we married, he had ended it.. with jus “ its over” and walking out on me.. just like that the castle had fallen.. all the dreams broken.. the vows we took while he looked on, helping me, encouraging me , promising me him..Now all alone I started to think to the time when it all had started changing and realizing I didn’t know.. How much of a fool could I be..Living in the oblivion.. and now my life was over.. in two words it ended. Breaking my heart all over again I removed his letters to read especially the one he wrote to me during his proposal.. “.. at any time I break us… be there to hold US together”… had he known then too that it would end too soon?.. I crumpled the paper and threw it on the floor.. and looked down at Joshua.. same eyes and smile as his father.. he would grow up to be a handsome man… and he started writhing to pick the paper.. “No Joshua, mommy says dirty.. bad .. leave it! Joshua!” but he wouldn’t stop and as I bend down to pick up his letter I knew it was not to end like this.. I had to forget and build us back again.. I had to see him.. I got off at the next station and got a ticket back home.. Yes home..On reaching.. it was all dark and alone.. but it would not be anymore.. as I sat and waited with just one thought in my mind “ Nathan where are you..? I love you enough for both of us for now.. come back soon”
It’s been four years now and as I sit looking out of the window.. “ be quiet Joshua, Alexandria just fell asleep. When she wakes up you can play with her..” as I smiled at our son I heard a car pull into the drive way.. looking out I saw him.. “go joshua welcome daddy” and I smiled thinking he’s home early again.. Maria going to have a fit.. She hated not being ready with the meal when he was back never realizing we would still eat at the appointed hour only! I turned as he entered the room signaling to him that Alexandria was asleep.. he smiled at the baby, blew her a kiss and came to me.. “ I came to see my wife, how much ever I love my children Joshua and Alexandria, you are my first true love..” And as we kissed all I could think of was how did I ever become so lucky..
“madam”
We broke and saw Maria standing there uneasily shifting on her legs.
I smiled “it is alright Maria, dinner will be served at it’s usual time.. just send some hot scones and sandwiches with tea till then”
“Yes madam. Also madam there is a visitor asking for you. I have seated him in the blue room.. he says its urgent and he did not give his name”
Confused I walked in and there he stood.. the man I had waited all that time to give us another chance.. Gasping I turned but Andreas held me..urging me to go on and talk to him.. “Talk to him Annabel, don’t be scared, I will wait outside.. come back when your done.. ”
I turned and saw him.. he had aged in these years.. he looked different not anymore the handsome man he should have been.. I waited for him to start..
“ I made a mistake bells.. I m sorry… I never loved her.. it was always you.. You’re my true love”
And as he pleaded I realized how blind I had been it was always about him.. his love, his life, his needs.. so much so did he even remember he had fathered a child?.. I thought about the question that had haunted me all the time while I waited for him having finally had the angel Andreas sent to me.. telling me nothing was wrong with me.. and I suddenly knew.. I believed Andreas.. it had never been me.. it was always him.. he was a coward.. a coward to not be able to stand in the winds of adversity which broke us..
Feeling almost sad for him I attempted to speak.. “Nathan, go back to her.. knowing and being with you is not something I regret cause you gave me and Andreas our first born child Joshua” seeing his stricken face I thought to tell him the truth.. “ I had waited.. I had returned that night keeping the promise to save us.. I waited days, months, years.. you never came back.. and then I let you go.. forever.. for my true love.. For Andreas.. You’re a memory.. A bad memory that is all.. please see yourself out..” and as I walked out n found Andreas waiting with the children I ran into his embrace… feeling strength, trust, love, life, His blessings, heaven..
Trusting someone is a choice
Breaking someone’s trust is a choice
Giving it another chance is a choice
Waiting for someone is a choice
And it’s a courageous choice
to love someone without him loving you back
But, it’s thy lords blessing
To find true love
And finally letting go of all the choices..
Trusting Him blindly to lead you to heaven
No comments:
Post a Comment