unfathomable love

Everyone loves a great love story… yes I have one too.. not great maybe but it is my story.

“we make a very good couple Em..do not worry my parents would be happy to know you.”… looking at Henry I smiled letting him know I was not the least scared or worried. Whirlwind romance or not he was the guy for me.. two weeks of knowing each other,.. he rang the door bell..looking down at the emerald on my ring finger.. yes it will be..

"I, Emily Swan take thee Henry Arthur Doyle to be my husband, and before God and these witnesses I promise to be a faithful and true wife."

(Rings)"With this ring I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, 'til death do us part."

“They say good things come knocking only once.. he knocked thrice. It would have been a decision too early for me one would say but when you know the right person has come along, well you just know it.. And you know the best thing about it all.. ten years down the line when someone asks me what if there would have been a fairy tale if I had awaited a little long.. I will just say this Cinderella knew it in one night.. Aurora knew it in one kiss.. Emily knew it in one look..”

I looked down at Henry from our table at the wedding buffet… he was looking at me with a tender smile, his eyes saying it all and I knew I was lucky for life..

That night was magical.. the days after a blessing of the stars.. two weeks henceforth I knew I was pregnant.. a month later he died in an accident..

Six years its been I am all of 22.. a widow.. And Alexis all but turning five. She was my anchor, my friend, my world..

Looking out at the shops I pass my and Alexis favourite antique shop on the streets of Paris.. There it was a shell… so beautiful.. “Mama I want it.”..and as I approached the shopkeeper there was a Man too having just bought it. Seeing Alexis face I decided to try just once. She rarely did ask for anything as such.

“Monsieur, if you will be kind enough my daughter has taken a keen liking in the shell. If it’s fine I shall pay you double the price that you have paid for it. But please can I buy it from you.”

He turned his face and smiled.. Darkest blue eyes I had ever seen.. Looking down realizing I may have acted as a prude I hoped he would not be as arrogant as his good looks promised.

“Madame, I shall give it to you, but only if you promise me tea today afternoon.”

I looked up surprised and angry.. “ I am not available. I ..”

“Si, I know who you are, The Emily swan.. your maiden name suited you..”

“As does my married name of Emily Henry Doyle” I said angrily not thinking for a moment how he knew me.

“Where are my manners? I am Charles Worth, I knew your late husband well. I couldn’t make it to your wedding or thereafter as I was away on an archaeological trip to Egypt. But Henry was a dear friend..”

I smiled thinking he may not be as I had judged until he continued…” and a lucky man to have a love so beautiful and lasting even after death”

“Your impossible” I lamented angrily in English.. About to turn away when Alexis pulled at my dress . Mama please can we have the shell. It will be perfect collection for my garden..”

I looked down at her hopeful eyes as she cluthed on to Bruno the cocker spaniel..

“its just one cup of tea” jean said..

“Oh alright!” knowing I was beaten.

“at the bistro of my hotel, at the time that suits you?”

Grumbling at being made a fool of we fixed the hour..

“so how did u know it was me?” I asked over hot scones..

“Henry and I were college friends.. Almost brothers..we had both seen you performing at the ballet.. it was love at first sight for both of us. Henry made a move first. You accepted.. I accepted Egypt.. “

Startled I looked deep into his eyes and knew it was the truth..

Alexis “it is beautiful what you think mama??” ..

“C’est merveilleux! Keep it carefully!!”

“Gracias mama…”

I smiled.. She did confuse her Spanish and French just like her daddy…

“Charles, they wouldn’t accept us. I am Henry’s widow…”

“Emily Swan Henry Doyle will you at least wait for me to propose!”

Going down on one knee.. “I saw you in white.. You were a vision… a swan that took my breath away. Its been five years of unforgotten love and two best years of my life have been spent with you and alexis who shall be my daughter always .. Emily swan Doyle will you do the honors of marrying me “

I looked at the ring…”rubies for the blood in his heart.. Without which his heart would be empty and dead forever…

“ I m actually doing this.. I said out loud…

“Sometimes love.. You do it for love… sometimes you do it for yourself.. And the luckiest one is the one who does it for himself when he in love” I am most glad that you’re lucky” he added..

I smiled holding him in my arms… “ Joshua lets make a baby…”

“Si mi amor…”

Looking down at the Christmas table, I sat with soon to be ten Alexis.. and her younger brother Max.. Joshua was playing with Isabella, Charles and Annabel’s daughter..

And as I looked on and smiled at Charles I was glad he had understood.. and yes he had made peace.. it had taken a while but as he had said Alexis is his first daughter. Anything for her happiness..

There is an old tale about how some women at times meet her soul mates and when that happens there is nothing that stops her from making maybe the wrong decisions for the world but the right ones for her heart.. Joshua was my soul mate..even though I had found love with Charles and had a marriage fo two years, it was finally Joshua who had been my soul mate.. and that was it.. diamonds… he had given me diamonds saying this would remind me always of my purity.. of our pure love.. just like a swan..

Unfathomable as love is, is my love.. a story for you.. but love n life for me

“Merry Christmas love… here you go.. your gift.. I smiled curiously looking at the scroll in my hand...” “Read it” he smiled that smile that I had come to love more than my own….

She sweeps in her robes, A dream she may be

A lily may shy away, after a look at thee

Her laughter beholds a joy, of a faraway dream

As her legs dance away, to the song of glory

The eyes of a fish, color of snow

Hair of a raven, grace of a swan

She is thy lord’s most beautiful creation..

She is.. you..

Mi amor gracias por usted…

(my love thank you for you...)

Thy's blessing, thee love

Storm had set in, darkness erupted by white light every now and then.. No one in sight... no voice except the deafening rain… it seemed Thy lord had left me alone.. In sin...

Jumping with a start from his cry I realized he was hungry.. as I sat there with him in my arms I saw my life pass me.. Lovers since college, we were inseparable.. Married even before I got my final year result and certificate.. Baby Joshua born the next year.. it was and always has been my paradise… and today two years since we married, he had ended it.. with jus “ its over” and walking out on me.. just like that the castle had fallen.. all the dreams broken.. the vows we took while he looked on, helping me, encouraging me , promising me him..Now all alone I started to think to the time when it all had started changing and realizing I didn’t know.. How much of a fool could I be..Living in the oblivion.. and now my life was over.. in two words it ended. Breaking my heart all over again I removed his letters to read especially the one he wrote to me during his proposal.. “.. at any time I break us… be there to hold US together”… had he known then too that it would end too soon?.. I crumpled the paper and threw it on the floor.. and looked down at Joshua.. same eyes and smile as his father.. he would grow up to be a handsome man… and he started writhing to pick the paper.. “No Joshua, mommy says dirty.. bad .. leave it! Joshua!” but he wouldn’t stop and as I bend down to pick up his letter I knew it was not to end like this.. I had to forget and build us back again.. I had to see him.. I got off at the next station and got a ticket back home.. Yes home..On reaching.. it was all dark and alone.. but it would not be anymore.. as I sat and waited with just one thought in my mind “ Nathan where are you..? I love you enough for both of us for now.. come back soon”

It’s been four years now and as I sit looking out of the window.. “ be quiet Joshua, Alexandria just fell asleep. When she wakes up you can play with her..” as I smiled at our son I heard a car pull into the drive way.. looking out I saw him.. “go joshua welcome daddy” and I smiled thinking he’s home early again.. Maria going to have a fit.. She hated not being ready with the meal when he was back never realizing we would still eat at the appointed hour only! I turned as he entered the room signaling to him that Alexandria was asleep.. he smiled at the baby, blew her a kiss and came to me.. “ I came to see my wife, how much ever I love my children Joshua and Alexandria, you are my first true love..” And as we kissed all I could think of was how did I ever become so lucky..

“madam”

We broke and saw Maria standing there uneasily shifting on her legs.

I smiled “it is alright Maria, dinner will be served at it’s usual time.. just send some hot scones and sandwiches with tea till then”

“Yes madam. Also madam there is a visitor asking for you. I have seated him in the blue room.. he says its urgent and he did not give his name”

Confused I walked in and there he stood.. the man I had waited all that time to give us another chance.. Gasping I turned but Andreas held me..urging me to go on and talk to him.. “Talk to him Annabel, don’t be scared, I will wait outside.. come back when your done.. ”

I turned and saw him.. he had aged in these years.. he looked different not anymore the handsome man he should have been.. I waited for him to start..

“ I made a mistake bells.. I m sorry… I never loved her.. it was always you.. You’re my true love”

And as he pleaded I realized how blind I had been it was always about him.. his love, his life, his needs.. so much so did he even remember he had fathered a child?.. I thought about the question that had haunted me all the time while I waited for him having finally had the angel Andreas sent to me.. telling me nothing was wrong with me.. and I suddenly knew.. I believed Andreas.. it had never been me.. it was always him.. he was a coward.. a coward to not be able to stand in the winds of adversity which broke us..

Feeling almost sad for him I attempted to speak.. “Nathan, go back to her.. knowing and being with you is not something I regret cause you gave me and Andreas our first born child Joshua” seeing his stricken face I thought to tell him the truth.. “ I had waited.. I had returned that night keeping the promise to save us.. I waited days, months, years.. you never came back.. and then I let you go.. forever.. for my true love.. For Andreas.. You’re a memory.. A bad memory that is all.. please see yourself out..” and as I walked out n found Andreas waiting with the children I ran into his embrace… feeling strength, trust, love, life, His blessings, heaven..

Trusting someone is a choice

Breaking someone’s trust is a choice

Giving it another chance is a choice

Waiting for someone is a choice

And it’s a courageous choice

to love someone without him loving you back

But, it’s thy lords blessing

To find true love

And finally letting go of all the choices..

Trusting Him blindly to lead you to heaven

True love is god's gift...

When we are growing up, we have our mothers telling us about how He looks after us.. how he gives us one gift to hold, to cherish, to be our very own individuals different from others.. the light shining inside us that makes us who we are.. gods gift.. but we have to find it inside us.. light that candle and shine like the stars above..

I had waited all my childhood years looking for mine and not found it.. I would at times look up at thee asking why am I so plain.. why I never had a unique gift which all my friends did…

Now I m all of 29 and looking forward to my baby.. I think about what my mother had told me and I know so what if I didn’t hav gods gift.. my baby would.. I believe in Him..

Afterall Rose is his bequest..

A beautiful rose she would be.. born of love, she will be the star of our lives..and ouch.. that’s another kick.. the girls so like her dad.. always kicking around while resting..

And as I lay there thinking about her future and her love and her babies.. I know she is going to be a very special child.. a rose amongst all.. the true queen..

And that’s when I heard the phone ringing… oh lord guess I left it in the kitchen.. knowing Michael would get worried if I didn’t pick.. I ran for the phone…

There was water in the kitchen.. n I landed on my stomach and the pain.. and only thought in my head.. my rose will be special..

2 days later when I regained consciousness.. I looked up to see Michael there sitting crying, holding my hand.. a feeling of emptiness in me… and I knew..

Standing near her little empty grave, Michael’s arm supporting me, heartbroken at losing our angel.. I looked at the sea and the sea gulls flying high.. I know now what mother had meant.. the gift has to be found in oneself but sometimes it chooses to come to you too.. it finds you when you least expect it and makes you that one special person.. Everyone has it or gets it.. I too did and have..

True love is god’s gift. That’s what my Rose had taught me. I may have had her for a little while..But she would be always in my heart.. she was my gift.

And as I look up in Michael’s eyes.. I know.. I had been the lucky one.. cause I didn’t get just one but two of His gifts..I had got my first god’s gift way before.. jus had never realized, maybe Rose was just a way to know my first gift.. Michael’s love..

When the heart is like it has melted in the sea of despair..

Look around and just remember,

The deepest of seas will not hide your light..

The light that is lit by true loves flame

For that’s the light of His..

Guiding you to safety.. In His arms..