the last entry...

As I luk into the sky.. I see the stars sparkling above.. and I think about the times when I sat there counting them... callin myself lucky to even have a moment with them… unlike so many others who hav passed this bequest from above without cherishing it..
A star is what I had been… but as others I had fallen too… not a story of my journey but my end, cause I was after all a woman who had in peoples eyes seen it all.. there are times when others come to me and ask me how is it that I can still bear the pain.. how come I still love life? Live it..?? Is it because I m inhumane or without a heart...
Bt I know I m not the one without the heart... its my life and if there is one thing I have learnt from it, then it is to rise every morning hoping it’s a beautiful day than before.. and do you know where I get this hope from.. It’s from the stars that I see above every night...
I m Sara.. must have heard of my story.. Yes me m the same old one who lost her husband and son.. but I still live.. and I cannot be happier right now.. my family has taught me the biggest reason to live.. and that is to cherish life.. and so here is what I do.. I live every moment..
It was a winter day… a ghastly beautiful winter morning.. all white n chilly… as I sat there thinking what I could do on this Christmas evening.. remembering the old times with Michael.. I knew I had to get out.. away from home and into the world..
I started my day with pancakes and honey… and as I was reading the paper my eyes fell on the column of a perfect vacation in California next to the sea.. and I knew I had to go.. yes the next thing I knew was my hand dialing the resort… booking a cabin and getting my ticket…
Running home throwing whatever came into mind in my bag I was at the airport in an hour’s time... and this is how it all began...
11 hours of grueling journey and becoming all impatient and nervous I was here… gosh it was hot.. but the smell of the sea …it was intoxicating.. I could taste the salt in the air.. could feel the wind blowing in my hair.. the calmness around me.. A perfect calmness where only I could hear my heart pounding in my chest.. Checking in the cabin I wore my cutest one piece.. blue colour.. Michael’s favorite…n there I was plunging in the water.. feeling the currents taking me in.. until I heard his voice..
“Sugar its gonna be fine.. U would love the sea.. jus one step at a time.. common baby its gonna be fine.. daddy here for you..”
God he had beautiful shoulders.. every muscle as if sculptured into him.. as I tried to catch his face he moved and I burst out laughing.. it was not his daughter he was coaxing into the water but his puppy.. swallowing water as a wave crashed on my face as I came up I realized I was face to face with him.. eyes the colour of the darkest sea, filled with concern..he was the most glorious man I had ever seen.. up close I was suddenly nervous..
He looked at me and said.. “ are u fine??”
Spluttering a yes and suddenly shy I looked at his puppy who was glaring at me… a possessive one I guess..
And before I knew it I started laughing at the absurdity of it all… and boy I couldn stop.. god that man wud hav thought me crazy…
As I looked at his face I suddenly stopped.. passion and something I had never seen before was alight in his eyes.. I felt queasy and then before I knew it he kissed me…
a kiss which lit up my soul like fire.. and next thing we did was go to my cabin with his puppy tugged in my arms and me in his.. felt like home again..

Been a month.. and Joshua still lights me up like a Christmas tree every times he looks at me.. .. he is a lawyer.. and his puppy finally am friends with candy.. don’t ask me he named her.. and as I see him lyin next to me.. it’s a beautiful night.. we already made love twice and the night had jus begun.. and then suddenly remembering something I have been meanin to ask.. I turn and ask him.. “what made u kiss me the frst time..?” he looked at me completely at ease, a smile spreading on his face as he remembered our first meet..
“ I had heard ur laughter before I had seen you.. it was as innocent as a child.. and then u had suddenly risen out like venus comin out of the sea.. the waves makin a passage for you and I knew that you were mine.. and are u done writing ur diary?..”…
“ jus a minute..”
Yes this is the final entry that I m writing.. I hav found love in him.. and yes I dare to dream… and as I look up into the sky I knw I will love him to eternity...jus like the stars.. good to be finally home..

a memory to cherish...

As a kid I remember writing out in slam books my most precious thing in the world.. till a few days I used to say how I am still young and hav not got it yet.. then came a time when I turned 5 got princy... people say when they have a baby..their world revolves around him.. for me, my world revolved around him or his around me never knew which one it was.. I used to get up every morning seein his face… him dropping me off near the bus stop… comin back home to his barks n sloshy tongue.. havin to wash/ take a bath (moms command.. she always had this thing abt hygiene ..) feedin my baby his food.. or if he done with it feedin extra frm my plate.. then letting him lose in the house.. ( if mom wudn be there jumpin on beds, eatin fruits (his fav) and watchin tv together..).. goin out to play with friends, comin back n throwin tantrums on takin princy out for a walk as he wud normally refuse to go out with anyone else except me.. ( sesly I remember how I used to curse him throughout.. poor guy had to do everythin in a hurry.. there was this one time when I was real angry.. as we both knew his fav stops.. well it was like he standin at his tree doin it asap and runnin to his next fav tree.. that night he didn even wait to smell the frsh air around.. I had felt so guilty afterwords..._) gosh after that we wud end up home n he wud stay up the night till the time I wud finish studying/reading novel etc etc.. there was a time when my whole family had slept off n as I had not finished my exam prep.. I had been soo scared.. guess he had known that cause he came and sat down next to me.. and stayed up whole night with me helping me prepare!!... like he didn even shut his eyes once.. I miss him everytime I study now.. try listenin to music bt somehow its nt the same.. how can it be.. anyways my night ended up with me screamin sd princy.. mom never allowed same room. He had his own room right next to mine.. gosh I miss him loads… he died at 11 years four months.. been three yrs.. for last two years been ignorin him.. I m a coward.. well this 20th Oct 09, sushant forced me to visit him.. it was unlike other times.. I didn cry or feel sad.. somehow was a little glad and happy seein his fav trees in pune.. mind u I can still point them all out.. every shrub, street light.. stone.. I dunno what I m writin this for.. all I wanna say thnks for takin me der to meet my baby.. weird how my only other precious thing made me go n meet my frst n fav of them all…..
p.s.1
a chance to see ur face again..
a chance to ask for forgiveness..
a chance to tell you how much i love you..
a chance to say will never forget u ever...
p.s. 2..
hope u liked him,... i knw u never liked strangers and were possesive but somehow i knw u wud hav not bitten him for sure..;) muah!!